What kind of coffee drinker are you?
Fourteen questions about your cup, and we name your type.
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About this test
Coffee is the only psychoactive drug whose provenance gets debated over breakfast. Roughly two in three European adults drink it daily, and yet the ways of drinking it have almost nothing in common: thirty millilitres standing at a counter carries a completely different social meaning from a tall sweet cup carried down the street.
This test measures no skill. It sorts your relationship with coffee into six profiles built around what actually drives the cup: taste, ritual, sweetness, function, caution, or cheerfully admitted dependence. Each one genuinely exists, each has blind spots, and none is superior to the others — though the purist will disagree.
One factual point worth keeping: caffeine has a half-life of about five hours in adults. Your four o'clock coffee is therefore still half active at nine in the evening, whatever your profile says.
How it works
Fourteen questions; every answer adds weight to one or more profiles. The heaviest profile at the end is the one you get. No answer is neutral.
This test is provided for entertainment purposes only. It is not a diagnosis or professional advice.